Ramones Retrospective
"Why Does Joey Ramone Sing Like That?”
A Ramones Retrospective by Larry Lowry
A friend harmlessly asked, “Hey, which three Ramones records should I listen to?”
Easy one. First, their original self-titled, and then… then it actually got very tricky. So tricky, in fact, I decided to blow my friend off and instead burn through their entire catalog to build a DIY Ramones Retrospective, just like Johnny, Joey, Tommy, and Dee Dee would have wanted.
To be clear, the Ramones already have three existing greatest hits records; Weird Tales of the Ramones, Hey Ho Let’s Go: Greatest Hits and, for whatever reason Loud, Fast Ramones: Their Toughest Hits, their most physically resilient release, I guess. Anyway, my playlist is better.
I organized the band’s catalog into three different sections of their sound: First, the Absolute Punkest. These are the staples that make Ramones the definitive punk band. The tracks that are truly unduplicatable. You hear these and know within seconds that you’re listening to one of the greatest punk bands of all time. If you don’t like these songs, your ears are the problem.
Next up are their Ballads. Punk rock love songs that could make even the crustiest of punk bar bathroom romances seem like it was written by Nora Ephron. They’re silly. It always sounds silly when these dudes from Queens, famous for matching last names and leather jackets, profess unrequited or undying love with guitars. The silliness, however, never supersedes sincerity. There’s an honest immaturity about the songs that lets them get away with it, which is why they probably resonate with teenagers to this day. Their influence has launched an entire sub genre of punk rock and Masked Intruder’s literal goddamn career.
The last section is much like the Ramones themselves, not so simple. This is the complex, bizarre, thrilling, odd section that could unfairly get flagged as filler. Some of these are the lifeblood of the legend of the Ramones, though. Songs like ‘Carbona Not Glue,’ ‘Somebody Put Something in My Drink’, and the criminally underrated, ‘You Sound Like You’re Sick’ (I had even forgot about it before putting this together). You either love ‘em or hate ‘em. Everyone’s own personal Ramones playlist will have a variety of these kinds of fringe songs that divide the fanbase, which is pretty punk rock.
So what did I gain at the end of this journey through the Ramones? A playlist with no less than nine different uses of “Wanna”, “Want”, or “Gonna”and fifteen songs that have some sort alliteration in the title (some of which even managed to do both with just three words). There’s a very specific poetic vernacular to Ramones songs that emerges and remains consistent throughout their entire catalog. The most powerful being the 21 different references of I/You/My/We. About half the songs on my playlist are speaking either directly to the listener or in first person.
The Ramones perfected the unreliable narrator. They’re simple, direct and repetitive. By the end of the song, you’re in agreement with Joey purely though ad-nauseum. I DO wanna sniff some glue, be sedated, receive shock treatment, remember rock’n’roll radio, dance and obey.
The lyrics function as a literal language parallel to the four- chord- powered machine they’re singing in. The words are short, punchy, frenetic. BRAT. BOP. ROCK. GABBA. If it’s three syllables- get that shit outta here. Nobody’s got time to sing a word with more than five letters unless it’s CALIFORNIA.
Simple songwriting doesn’t always equal simple execution. Look at the complexity of ‘The KKK Took My Baby Away.’ As a teenager I always lamented the lack of comeuppance for the narrator against the KKK. Only as an adult do you realize, oh, he just found out he was a dating a racist. Bummer. I still like to think it was a kidnapping deep down.
Oh, and I also put ‘Blitzkrieg Bop’ at the bottom of the list because you’ve heard that one already.
- Larry Lowry